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Jag vaknar med ditt namn i mitt huvud, dina ansiktsdrag p\u00e5 min n\u00e4thinna och en oro som bara blir st\u00f6rre med timmarna som g\u00e5r. Det \u00e4r som en feber. Orosk\u00e4nslan sprider sig och blir till rastl\u00f6shet, jag vet inte vart jag tar v\u00e4gen om jag inte f\u00e5r se dig snart och samtidigt vet jag att ju mer jag t\u00e4nker p\u00e5 dig desto l\u00e4ngre bort f\u00f6rsvinner du. Universums dumma logik.<\/p>\n

Jag fyller mina dagar med allt jag tycker \u00e4r roligt, vettigt, det som \u00e4r tidsf\u00f6rdriv och det som f\u00e5r timmarna att g\u00e5 snabbt. Jag springer, m\u00e5lar, pratar med v\u00e4nner, skrattar med ansiktet mot himlen som om inget kunde m\u00f6rka mina dagar och jag pratar inte om dig med n\u00e5gon. F\u00f6rs\u00f6ker h\u00e5lla blicken stadig p\u00e5 v\u00e4gen s\u00e5 att det inte m\u00e4rks hur mycket jag s\u00f6ker efter minsta tecken efter dig. Konstant. Du \u00e4r som en tornado ovanf\u00f6r mitt huvud, n\u00e5got jag alltid m\u00e5ste h\u00e5lla ifr\u00e5n mig och de h\u00e4r dagarna g\u00f6r mig energifylld, n\u00e4stan som ett raseri, och samtidigt helt utmattad.<\/p>\n

Jag ser tecken \u00f6verallt, den d\u00e4r starkt lysande stj\u00e4rnan\u2026 L\u00e5ten som spelas p\u00e5 radion\u2026 Universum spelar mig spratt varje dag och jag ser tecken och hittar p\u00e5 en alldeles egen logik. Jag vet att det \u00e4r sjukt, att jag \u00e4r sjuk eller kommer att bli det om jag forts\u00e4tter s\u00e5 h\u00e4r. Men det \u00e4r en s\u00e5 enormt levande k\u00e4nsla som jag inte ens vill g\u00f6ra mig av med, det ovanh\u00e4ngande syftet och energin i mitt liv. Eller vet jag helt enkelt att det \u00e4r oundvikligt? Att det \u00e4r s\u00e5 h\u00e4r det ska vara.<\/p>\n

Jag tror att du t\u00e4nker p\u00e5 mig n\u00e4r du \u00e4r med henne och jag g\u00e5r igenom varje gest och ord fr\u00e5n senast vi s\u00e5gs. Jag s\u00e5g hur du fumlade med handskarna, f\u00f6r jag vet, jag vet att jag g\u00f6r dig nerv\u00f6s och jag ser att du k\u00e4nner likadant.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jag vaknar med ditt namn i mitt huvud, dina ansiktsdrag p\u00e5 min n\u00e4thinna och en oro som bara blir st\u00f6rre med timmarna som g\u00e5r. Det \u00e4r som en feber. Orosk\u00e4nslan sprider sig och blir till rastl\u00f6shet, jag vet inte vart jag tar v\u00e4gen om jag inte f\u00e5r se dig snart och samtidigt vet jag att […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":870,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[28],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/img_1065-1-1-scaled.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1062"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1062"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1062\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/870"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1062"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1062"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biancabarck.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1062"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}